Happy Anniversary!

In 2 weeks I will have lived in Oregon for a year. That is crazy! It has gone by so fast and every turn and bump along the way has been such a learning experience :) Today I'm working at my sisters store again and it's totally taking me back to when I first lived here and knew no one, needed a job, needed a place to live...so many things were up in the air! Now I sit here with 2 great jobs, friends that I really like, and lots of peace in my heart! Needless to say it's been a great year :)

I'm impressed that only once in the last year I seriously considered giving up and moving back to Colorado....I'm so glad I didn't! I have grown so much as a person and feel like I'm starting to figure out who I am! This summer has been a summer of fun....I lived my 20's flip flopped so I'm enjoying going out and being young and single :) It's been a super fun time.

I have no idea what the next year holds and where I'll end up but I do know that wherever I go and whatever happens I have the most amazing Savior ever and He is with me step by step all the way :)

Imagine that...He really does provide for us!

So this last week has been a roller coaster but an amazing one. I'm so poor it's almost comical but it's crazy how there just always seems to be the money to pay things...I don't try to figure out how.
I'm still in need of a second job. I only work 30 hours with Head Start and thankfully my sister has showed pity on me and given her little sister a job (bless her!) But ideally I would like to work elsewhere so that she wouldn't have to pay me and cause I kind of actually suck at working retail. I mean...me selling bra's? I have been looking everyday for jobs and just nothing has come thru.
Tuesday of last week I got called in for a admin job for a local real estate job. I went to the interview and it went great so I had high hopes. That same day a great apartment came open. I was living in a 450 sq ft apartment paying 740.00 a month. (that included all utilities and cable and wi-fi) oh and it was fully furnished. So I went and looked at the apartment...it's 2 bedroom, still downtown and WAY bigger then where I have been. It was 750.00 for everything except electric. The landlady really liked me and offered it to me right then and there. The thing was I would have needed to break my lease with where I was and my landlady there is a little crazy....

I talked to my currently landlady (Karen) and she didn't want to let me out of my lease and sounded like she was gonna give me a hard time about it and I started to think that the new apartment was just a little too out of my price range so I called Kim (new landlady) and told her that I was just a little worried about the electric putting me over what I could really afford and that I was really bummed and blah blah.

Wednesday: I get a call back from Kim (new landlady) and she liked me so much that she would be willing to rent me the apartment for 700.00. WHAT?! I was so freaking excited!! But then I had to face Karen (current landlady) well this time she was SUPER nice about letting me out and let's me break it no problem.

Thursday: Pack like a mad women. The sooner I get out of the studio apartment the sooner Karen can rent it to someone else. Kim calls (new) and she offers to put all sorts of furniture in the apartment for me. I own a bed and a couch and that is it...no dishes, no nothing. She gives me a few things I need. But I continue to make a HUGE list for Ikea and I start to freak out about how much I'm gonna have to spend. (Especially cause I just bought a new tv...ouch!)

Friday: I get a call about the job...I didn't get it :( I was bummed for like 5 minutes...haha. Then my phone rings and it's another job wanting to set up another interview! CRAZY! So hope is still alive for another job...yes!

Saturday: Moving Day! My wonderful sister and family help me move. It took us 45 min. haha.

Sunday: Nothing exciting. Except the Ikea list grows and so does my anxiety about how much money I'm gonna spend....

Monday: Go on interview. It goes really well! Hope still alive!

Tuesday: Friend of a friend offers to give me pots and pans and all sorts of house type things! The Ikea list gets shorter!!

Wednesday: Get a call back about the job...don't get it :( Bleh. 10 min later I get a call from my mom who makes me feel even worse about life (she didn't mean to)...now I feel completely stressed/overwhelmed....cry for a while. But then I get a call from Kim and she says she just found all this amazing furniture for my place! And...get this...it all matches what I had already...um for real?!?! She also has a tv I can use!! Talk about a pick me up phone call! I snap out of feeling sorry for myself and start to get really excited about the new place and the Ikea list goes WAY down! I return the tv I bought and can now use that money to go to Ikea with....anxiety basically gone!!

So yes, I'm still in need of a 2nd job BUT He clearly is providing for me in ways that I just can't comprehend and I need to not insult Him by stressing and dis trusting Him when He has CLEARLY proven Himself worthy of my trust :) I'm so blessed and feeling completely un worthy of His love and provision. I know this is all apart of this adventure that I'm on and I wouldn't be able to learn any of these lessons had I not taken the leap and come here. I'm still poor but the peace I have defiantly surpasses understanding!

Thanks a Latte!

I just did a little math session and realized that I spend around 100.00 dollars a month on lattes. That is 1,200 a year! That is slightly out of hand. I have done the math before but I was making lots more money and always just said "it's my one vice!" as if that was supposed to make it ok. Well, I just ordered a new book called "The Vice Busting Diet" and the main thing it talks about is how having a vice doesn't make it ok. It's still just a bad excuse to do something. I just finished a latte I bought today and sadly me and the latte kind of had a moment. Haha!

I have gone to a coffee shop everyday for YEARS. I mean at least since the yearly 2000's. It's been my thing. I'm the coffee shop girl. I do love reading at coffee shop's and hanging out in them...but I'm thinking maybe it's time to cut back :) I'm not delusional enough to think this is gonna be easy...I'm mean I'm writing a blog about it. Obviously I'm gonna miss my lattes but I had to tell myself people quit doing drugs, or quit smoking...I'm pretty sure I can handle quitting lattes!

It has really helped to be able to share this journey I'm on and so I figure that I should share this goal as well. If I'm going to make a lifestyle change then drinking a latte everyday was going to have to change eventually...it might as well start now. So I apologize if I become really grumpy and lame due to the lack of caffeine...but I'm sure once the initial withdrawal is gone I'll be better :)

A Lifetime of Bad Habits

How do you break a lifetime of bad habits? Seriously if anyone can answer that question I'm all ears (and preferably I would like the answer to be something that is easy...not hard :) )
I have reached that time in my weight loss journey that I'm ready to quit. Haha...about a month in I always get frustrated cause I don't really see any results and I get mad and quit. This week I have had to talk myself of the ledge a few times...last night I wanted junk food SO bad I was ready to hurt somebody till I got some. But...I didn't get any :) This week has been a challenge though...I have been sick so of course I have talked myself out of doing anything that remotely resembles exercise and I have eaten pretty bad (food is my comfort...when I'm sad or sick I eat McDonalds...gross I know).
The other night when I was feeling really discouraged I met my new friend for dinner (of course the only friend I have made is totally in to nutrition, exercising and LOVES talking about it :) God so knows what we need!) I thought she was gonna slap me when I told her that I was ready to quit and was super frustrated! She brought up that I just started and that my lifestyle change is gonna take awhile to adjust to....keyword being lifestyle.
So I have decided to not quit :) Being open about it and talking with people about all this has been hard but super helpful. I feel such support and understanding from so many people!

Other then the lifestyle change that is going on....Oregon is still awesome. I feel like I'm starting to get comfortable here and starting to find my place. I REALLY like my job! Man I have missed being able to say that :) All the ladies I work with are super nice and I LOVE all the kiddos. I'm so blessed to apart of their little lives. My supervisor asked me to start working in the classroom some so now I'm getting to spend even more time with them :) It amazes me every week how I'm able to pay my bills...God is working it out so I'm continuing to learn to not stress and trust him! I have started looking for a new apartment cause I'm out of my small, bug infested, crap hole apartment in the end of April (can you tell how much I love it??) I haven't ever really shopped around for an apartment so it's just a new experience to tack on to this whole adventure!

My Journey

So...this is a big step for me. I NEVER like to discuss my weight or the issues I have had with it. But I'm currently on a journey (totally stole that word from the biggest loser). I have tried every diet under the sun and every form of exercise known to man and eventually I quit them all. But here is the kicker...I'm really un happy with my physical appearance and how out of shape I am. I don't think I have ever actually liked looking in the mirror and I never used to enjoy who I was...it used to be REALLY bad and I would get quite depressed about it so I have come along way and feel like I have made every step towards liking who I am...except in the physical area. Like I said before I have tried to lose weight more times then I care to admit but the one thing I have never done is discuss it. I have never declared to the world or even my friends that I have a problem and that it needs to be fixed.

It's almost like having a disease no one knows about. It's an all consuming disease. I go to sleep thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. I'm so sensitive to what people are thinking about me...I used to not be able to eat in front of people because I thought they were thinking "she really shouldn't be eating that" or a whole other list of things...I hate it. And what I hate most is the fact that the only thing standing in the way of changing it is ME. How's that for frustrating? I can't blame anyone else for me being overweight.

While I was home the most important person in my life had a sort of intervention. My Dad bless him, brought up the fact that he was worried about my weight and how if I don't do something about it I could wind up with some serious health problems. Let's just say...that was not easy to hear and I didn't take it well. It was like taking a spotlight and shinning it on my biggest insecurity...the one thing that I try to hide and not deal with. But after what he said I got to thinking...now is the time. I have no excuses.

I knew when I moved here it was my chance to break a lot of my bad habits that I had made in the food area. I did break them...but then I made a whole new list of bad ones. Haha! I know that it's not too late and I can still make a new lifestyle for myself.
I guess the point of me writing this is to declare to the world that I'm doing this. That if by telling you all that I'm starting this journey, for real this time, that in some way you can keep me accountable. It's one thing to let myself down but a whole other to let all of you down.

Fitting in

Do you ever feel like you don’t have a place in this world? Like the world you left behind doesn’t fit anymore and you have yet to find your place in the world you are currently living? That is how I feel. Going home for Christmas was wonderful. But at the same time kind of sad. All the reasons I moved were still present. It was great to see everyone but I could just tell that I don’t belong there anymore. That is kind of a hard realization. But at the same time still a good one. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m defiantly feeling homesick and borderline lonely. I truly love living in this town…I just wish I could find my place here. Money issues and the lack of a social life are starting to take it’s toll on my nerves but someone had a status on facebook the other day that said “you insult God by worrying” (it was something like that)… I have had to repeat that in my head over and over lately.

There is a great deal of peace in the fact that I know this is where I’m supposed to be. Maybe I’m just being hard on myself? I have only been here 5 months and have managed to make a few friends J I don’t know…I just had some thoughts running through my head and it always helps to blog them out J “this is just a season you have to go thru” is what I told myself walking home tonight. I guess I should listen to myself and just take it one day at a time. Not really sure what else to say but if anyone has an encouraging words I would love to hear them right about now....I'll make sure to grab a kleenex before I read them...:)

Adventures for 1

Man I am blessed. I realized a long time ago that if I wanted to do anything I couldn't wait for someone to want to do it with me. My time here has been so full of little adventures for 1! I went on a hike the other day and it was breath taking! It's so peaceful out in the wilderness by myself (of course with my iPhone with jams) just walking around, praying, talking :) I spent the first 2 months here so wrapped up in what I needed and what I need God to do for me. Then I was out walking and realized just how completely self absorbed I am. It didn't even occur to me that I should pray for others. So many people are praying for me and here I am just praying for me and all my things I need God to do for me....holy self centered! So, now I spend the majority of my alone time praying for others and you know what it's GREAT :) If I could repay people in prayer for half of the time they have prayed for me I would be happy!

Aside from hiking alone I decided to be really adventurous! I decided I wanted to go to the coast and if I didn't have anyone to go with I was going alone! I booked a hotel and I was all set to go. My wonderful friend Teresa lives about 5 hours from me in Washington and I asked her to come with me and she wasn't sure if she could. It was the night before and I was mentally preparing driving 3 hours by myself and staying in a hotel in Astoria and I get a text and Teresa says "Louie I'm coming!". I was SO excited! I feel like I passed a test :) I was going to go alone and I probably would have had a great time but I had 1000 times more fun with Teresa! We arrived right at sun set and so we got to see the sun set right over the ocean and it truly was something I won't forget.

I haven't made it to Portland since I have been here and I keep hearing how great a city it is. So I had 3 days off this week and I decided to go wonder around Portland. I asked my sister and bro-in-law where to go and so I set off and wondered around. I have been to many places and many downtown's and I will say Portland is the prettiest city I have ever been too. It's a beautiful mix of rivers, mountains and amazing architecture. Oh yeah....and they have Chipotle :)

While I was in Portland I was thinking that I still had 2 more days off and I should go visit Teresa! So I texted her and asked if she wanted a visitor and she said yes! So I geared up drove 5 hours to the Washington/Idaho border to see her! We went horseback riding and put put golfing. It was so great :) I laughed till my stomach hurt and it was just a good taste of home. The drive was also fun...I had the radio on scan and turned up and just sang and looked at the incredible landscape we have in this country!

I start my job on Monday! I'm so blessed to have a job with benefits and the one thing I truly wanted was to work for nice people and my supervisor is the nicest person!! I think this job is gonna be a great adventure in it's self. I am getting paid half of what I used to and still have to find another part time job but I'm so incredibly thankful for it that I don't even care!