So...this is a big step for me. I NEVER like to discuss my weight or the issues I have had with it. But I'm currently on a journey (totally stole that word from the biggest loser). I have tried every diet under the sun and every form of exercise known to man and eventually I quit them all. But here is the kicker...I'm really un happy with my physical appearance and how out of shape I am. I don't think I have ever actually liked looking in the mirror and I never used to enjoy who I was...it used to be REALLY bad and I would get quite depressed about it so I have come along way and feel like I have made every step towards liking who I am...except in the physical area. Like I said before I have tried to lose weight more times then I care to admit but the one thing I have never done is discuss it. I have never declared to the world or even my friends that I have a problem and that it needs to be fixed.
It's almost like having a disease no one knows about. It's an all consuming disease. I go to sleep thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. I'm so sensitive to what people are thinking about me...I used to not be able to eat in front of people because I thought they were thinking "she really shouldn't be eating that" or a whole other list of things...I hate it. And what I hate most is the fact that the only thing standing in the way of changing it is ME. How's that for frustrating? I can't blame anyone else for me being overweight.
While I was home the most important person in my life had a sort of intervention. My Dad bless him, brought up the fact that he was worried about my weight and how if I don't do something about it I could wind up with some serious health problems. Let's just say...that was not easy to hear and I didn't take it well. It was like taking a spotlight and shinning it on my biggest insecurity...the one thing that I try to hide and not deal with. But after what he said I got to thinking...now is the time. I have no excuses.
I knew when I moved here it was my chance to break a lot of my bad habits that I had made in the food area. I did break them...but then I made a whole new list of bad ones. Haha! I know that it's not too late and I can still make a new lifestyle for myself.
I guess the point of me writing this is to declare to the world that I'm doing this. That if by telling you all that I'm starting this journey, for real this time, that in some way you can keep me accountable. It's one thing to let myself down but a whole other to let all of you down.
Louie, I read your blog and felt like I could have written the exact same words! Everyone in this world has things that they don't like about themselves. BUT you need to remember that you were created by a loving God who made you to be exactly what you are! Beautiful on the inside and beautiful on the outside too! Just be healthy so you are able to do the things that you want to do and if that requires losing a few lbs. do it, but always remember that you are awesome just how you are!!!
ReplyDeleteLouie! You and me both, baby! I feel like you expressed exactly what I feel - um, about myself that is! Hey, we are in the same boat. I started my journey 2 months ago. I didn't want to just lose weight. I wanted to get healthy. I don't want to get to my parent's age and be suffering with all sorts of stuff because of the lifestyle I've been living all these years. I'm not dieting but I am trying to live and eat healthy (eating whole foods, trying to stay away from anything processed ... basically just eating what God created us to eat ... it's hard!) I am finally making a big effort to get educated about what's in our food, where it comes from, etc. It's a life-style change. It's hard but I am seeing results for the first time in years and it's super exciting. And I can personally attest that it is not too late! If you haven't heard of it already, Spark People is awesome! I had a couple friends tell me about it a few years ago when they lost 70 lbs each with help from that site but I never did anything with that information until 2 months ago. It really has helped me! Let me know if you want to share our journeys together to encourage one another.
ReplyDeleteAnd the "Eat this, not that", "Cook this, not that" books were great for helping to point me in the right direction for what stuff to eat and what stuff to stay away from 'cause I was really quite clueless before then. Micah told me about them and I'm so glad she did! I'm excited for you and I like this idea to share your journey like this. I wish I had thought of that!
ReplyDelete