Do you ever feel like you don’t have a place in this world? Like the world you left behind doesn’t fit anymore and you have yet to find your place in the world you are currently living? That is how I feel. Going home for Christmas was wonderful. But at the same time kind of sad. All the reasons I moved were still present. It was great to see everyone but I could just tell that I don’t belong there anymore. That is kind of a hard realization. But at the same time still a good one. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m defiantly feeling homesick and borderline lonely. I truly love living in this town…I just wish I could find my place here. Money issues and the lack of a social life are starting to take it’s toll on my nerves but someone had a status on facebook the other day that said “you insult God by worrying” (it was something like that)… I have had to repeat that in my head over and over lately.
There is a great deal of peace in the fact that I know this is where I’m supposed to be. Maybe I’m just being hard on myself? I have only been here 5 months and have managed to make a few friends J I don’t know…I just had some thoughts running through my head and it always helps to blog them out J “this is just a season you have to go thru” is what I told myself walking home tonight. I guess I should listen to myself and just take it one day at a time. Not really sure what else to say but if anyone has an encouraging words I would love to hear them right about now....I'll make sure to grab a kleenex before I read them...:)
Oh Lauren! I'm so sorry to read this. I will be praying for you, for sure. This made my heart go out to you in a big way. I can definitely relate to what you shared because that was the story of my life when I moved here to Colorado for years! Eventually I just had to make my own way and God opened up other doors for me but not the ones I was expecting. I don't think that that's encouraging but maybe what's encouraging is that you are not alone in what you are experiencing and that you are being prayed for.
ReplyDeleteLouie!!! I am bummed that you're bummed right now!! :(
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that you aren't crazy for feeing the way you do. I'm reading this book and there's a whole (amazing and completely challenging) chapter about community. We are crafted to be a part of a community. Your community hasn't disappeared it's just changed. God has placed you in a whole new environment. This new environment will grow new things in your life. Not that it's easy, by any means!! I'm so proud of you for following the Lord's leading in your life to where ever it takes you (even away from the place you regard as home). "I choose community because that's where I've found God. Who we are cannot be separated from relationships. We were made for relationships."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are one of the most amazing people I've ever known, and God WILL use you in this new place in your life to impact others like you've impacted me. You call this blog The Reset Button, and as you become reset in the place the Lord has called you, I will continually lift you up in prayer. Being reset isn't easy, but it always results in something new!! :)
With lots of love and prayers from someone who has been reset too!! :)
Just my two cents as I can perfectly remember feeling how you're feeling (both in California and in England), so I'll just say this. Community takes time to build, and it's actually very good that you don't fit in here as well as you used to. You're not suppose to feel so tied in here anymore. That's normal, and it's a good sign that you're moving into where you should be. Something I read when I was living in California was about how God uses the solitary times in our life. It's the best time to press in and allow Him to work. It's your time of building intimacy with him. Plus, it prepares you for the upcoming community, and of course, it's not fun being refined. But it's always good!! :) Be encouraged!!
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