My adventure begins in a little over 6 weeks. When I made the decision to move in April I thought August was SO far away….it’s coming up faster than I expected. I shouldn’t really say when I “finally decided” cause it was more like when I finally just said “yes”. I have been thinking/praying about moving to Oregon for the past 2 years. But it’s a big step. Other than when I moved to Texas for bible school I have never been away from my family and friends. This is something I have to do. I can just feel that. I am not going to say I’m not nervous or sad about the adventure, but I know if I don’t do it, one day I’m gonna say “I wish I had taken the leap and moved!” I’m all about living with no regrets!
When people ask me why I’m moving I think they expect me to say “for a job” or “I met a boy” or “God descended on a cloud and said I should”….but when I answer “just cause” I usually get kind of a blank stare. But it’s the truth. I spent many hours praying about it and never got a loud and clear “yes”. I could just feel it was something I needed to do. (I know we are not supposed to go by our feelings and blah, blah…hear what I’m saying). The number 1 thing that has always kept me here has been my friends. They are my family. My dad is my best friend and always will be, no matter where I move I know we are going to be close, and yes leaving him is going to be the hardest part, but I know he will be fine. My friends are different. Growing up I always found my identity in them. I always cared (too much) what they thought of me and the things I wanted to do. In a way I have let my relationships with them hold me back. Now the majority of them have families and are living their lives, while I feel like I’m on the sideline watching their lives happen. I’m bored. I have a very busy social life, but I’m still bored. I feel like my life is going no where. This is my own fault mind you. I know moving to Oregon isn’t going to solve all my problems but its going to be full of so many experiences I won’t have if I stay here. I have no job lined up and I sort of have a place to live. If anyone knows me just a little bit, you know I’m a planner! This is scary for me big time. But I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was finances and how I’m going to pull this off and a quiet voice just said to me “I’ve got you, I have never let you down in the past have I?”...of course the answer to that question is a capital “NO”.
I have never had to look for a church. I grew up in the same one and when I went to Texas the bible school and church were basically the same thing. This is something I want to do. I’m very thankful for the things my church has given me over the years here, but it’s just one of the things I need to leave behind.
The relationships I have built over the years through going to my church will remain. I’m confidant of that. But, I have never had to make friends. I have had the same group of friends my entire life. Words can not express how grateful I am for that and how that has resulted in those people being my family, not my friends. Growing up I was always the shy/quiet girl. After moving to Texas I realized I really wasn’t all that shy or quiet, but I think because that is what I had been defined as for so many years that was what I believed myself to be. After getting away from the people that knew me for so long I found out I was someone different. People grow and they change, and I fear that if we are always around the same people in the same environment we don’t really get the opportunities we need.
I’m sure this is just the first of many blog’s on this subject!
When people ask me why I’m moving I think they expect me to say “for a job” or “I met a boy” or “God descended on a cloud and said I should”….but when I answer “just cause” I usually get kind of a blank stare. But it’s the truth. I spent many hours praying about it and never got a loud and clear “yes”. I could just feel it was something I needed to do. (I know we are not supposed to go by our feelings and blah, blah…hear what I’m saying). The number 1 thing that has always kept me here has been my friends. They are my family. My dad is my best friend and always will be, no matter where I move I know we are going to be close, and yes leaving him is going to be the hardest part, but I know he will be fine. My friends are different. Growing up I always found my identity in them. I always cared (too much) what they thought of me and the things I wanted to do. In a way I have let my relationships with them hold me back. Now the majority of them have families and are living their lives, while I feel like I’m on the sideline watching their lives happen. I’m bored. I have a very busy social life, but I’m still bored. I feel like my life is going no where. This is my own fault mind you. I know moving to Oregon isn’t going to solve all my problems but its going to be full of so many experiences I won’t have if I stay here. I have no job lined up and I sort of have a place to live. If anyone knows me just a little bit, you know I’m a planner! This is scary for me big time. But I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was finances and how I’m going to pull this off and a quiet voice just said to me “I’ve got you, I have never let you down in the past have I?”...of course the answer to that question is a capital “NO”.
I have never had to look for a church. I grew up in the same one and when I went to Texas the bible school and church were basically the same thing. This is something I want to do. I’m very thankful for the things my church has given me over the years here, but it’s just one of the things I need to leave behind.
The relationships I have built over the years through going to my church will remain. I’m confidant of that. But, I have never had to make friends. I have had the same group of friends my entire life. Words can not express how grateful I am for that and how that has resulted in those people being my family, not my friends. Growing up I was always the shy/quiet girl. After moving to Texas I realized I really wasn’t all that shy or quiet, but I think because that is what I had been defined as for so many years that was what I believed myself to be. After getting away from the people that knew me for so long I found out I was someone different. People grow and they change, and I fear that if we are always around the same people in the same environment we don’t really get the opportunities we need.
I’m sure this is just the first of many blog’s on this subject!
Lauren,
ReplyDeleteWhen you came back from Texas I could see that you had become more confident and sure of yourself, that is so great. I agree with much of what you say, and I found that moving away from comfort zone (church I had always gone to, a lot of the same friends, same neighbors since I was 2 etc...) was the only way that I found that I could get out of the box of expectations that I was placed in. To "them" I'd always be the little toddler, or the 6 year, the 10 year old or 16 year old... Can't wait to hear more.
Nice, but I have to disagree with the statement, "you shouldn't listen to your gut feelings". That is how I have lived my entire life. In fact, it is usually the advice I give anyone that asks for my opinion; "listen to your gut". I believe feelings are based in intuition, morals and ethics. If is feels wrong, it usually is and vice versa. I think your feelings are leading on a great adventure you will not regret! I wish you luck and happiness in this endeavor!
ReplyDeleteThank you Monica. I agree with you that we should iisten to our "gut" as well. It's just bad Christain form so say you did something by your feeings...that is why I asked people to hear what I'm really saying. Who knows maybe you will do a trial in the pacific northwest someday!
ReplyDeleteKristen you had a big part of getting me to where I'm at...you will always be very special to me!